Bricks may be hurdled through them.
Frankly TaxDayTeaParty, I hope bad things happen to you, not necessarily because of your views (although our difference in them is only adding fuel to the fire) but because of your manner of expressing them. I am growing increasingly annoyed with you and your movement because you hide. You hide behind views of nationalism, patriotism, and what ever other 'isms that could be used to decide your illustration of what you think "real Americans" should be. In truth, you are a demagogue, you sensationalize and cause sometimes violent reactions to matters that could best be dealt with through civilized debate. That means no shouting, no showing up with guns at your side, no death threats or throwing of bricks and definitely no showing up in period costume. It makes you look stupid, immature and rather cheesy. Feel free at anytime to speak your voice and explain how I have misjudged you, I will meet you with an open mind but if you continue this populist path then I will pray that you fade into history like most other populist movements. On your homepage, you cry foul at the violent label that you have received but other than hot linking to other right wing blogs you do nothing to change that opinion (your members actually threw an egg at your own bus not long after that post.) Just remember that anger is not an opinion and you are still a minority (a loud one at that) who needs to make a good impression on the rest of us if you want to make it big.
-COBRA COMMANDER
Friday, March 26, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
I Met the Situation the Other Night
I met the Situation the other night, it was at my horrible, horrible supermarket job and I have been forever changed by it.
My shift at Acme started as they usually do, I clock in about 4 minutes late, stand at my register, withdrawing into the sanctuary of my deep subconscious and greet customers in what old ladies describe as a "game show host voice." Somewhere in there (I am not sure what time because I try not to look at clocks there, maybe 6:00ish) I looked up from my register while ringing up the last person to see an odd group of people walking in from the rain. I admit it, I scoffed at them, the big one in front was wearing a red, sleeveless hoodie with some sort of dragon design on it and all the rest were a nice combination of in need of a size guide, too much cleavage and the Sunday special at the spray tan place. Then the big guy in the red turned to me. "Hey, you got cigs in this place?" I replied with a "Yeah" and a nod to which he replied with "Alright, gimmie a back of Newports." Normally, the protocol in the Acme is for the customer to go to the Customer Service desk, fully equipped with a giant pipe shaped sign that says "Tobacco" and the manager at the desk will ring them up and hand over the cigarettes. Instead, I turned (as I usually do when the customer is already online when he/she wants smokes) and yelled to the manager to bring me a pack of Newports and while I waited for Alex the manager at the time to find her way down to register 5, I listened to what these odd characters had to say. Finally, Alex made it down to me, handed over the box which I then handed to the guy in red and rung him up for about 7 bucks and some change. He paid with debt, took the smokes, and walked out the door with the gaggle of lackeys following close behind and it was not until that moment when I turned around to make a Guido joke did I notice the slight excitement in every ones eyes. "Do you think that was really him?" Someone asked. Another saying "Why do you think he was up here?" Somewhat disappointed that my window for a joke was gone I asked who they were talking about and customer and employee alike said "You just rang up the Situation." I then did what any suburban high school kid who just met a reality TV star would do and texted anyone and everyone I know who would give a damn but something stuck with me from the experience. No, it wasn't that I touched the Situation's hand, it was the the subject of the conversation he had with his little posse.
They were talking about books, library books at that and were arguing about how long you can keep books out from the library. THE SITUATION READS my twitter update later read and a newly established hope for humanity was kindled with in me.
Prior to this, I noticed that maybe 8 out of every 23 kids in my high school would actually admit to reading the books assigned to us and a smaller 3 out of the same sized class would admit to reading for fun. I myself have been reading the New York Times (at least the A section and the magazine) every weekend morning since the 6th grade and usually go through one book a month (currently a biography of Jacques Cousteau.) Many including myself have deem reading as a dieing art and on many occasions I have suggested to my English teachers to have movies (good movies and not necessarily the film version of what is being read in class) taught side by side with books in order to increase class interest. The fact that this overly tan, muscle bound, bar fight scarred Italian guy from somewhere around here goes to the library made me think that maybe books could make a comeback. After all if you don't like what you are reading, you can always burn it (you cant do that with a Kindle.)
-COBRA COMMANDER
My shift at Acme started as they usually do, I clock in about 4 minutes late, stand at my register, withdrawing into the sanctuary of my deep subconscious and greet customers in what old ladies describe as a "game show host voice." Somewhere in there (I am not sure what time because I try not to look at clocks there, maybe 6:00ish) I looked up from my register while ringing up the last person to see an odd group of people walking in from the rain. I admit it, I scoffed at them, the big one in front was wearing a red, sleeveless hoodie with some sort of dragon design on it and all the rest were a nice combination of in need of a size guide, too much cleavage and the Sunday special at the spray tan place. Then the big guy in the red turned to me. "Hey, you got cigs in this place?" I replied with a "Yeah" and a nod to which he replied with "Alright, gimmie a back of Newports." Normally, the protocol in the Acme is for the customer to go to the Customer Service desk, fully equipped with a giant pipe shaped sign that says "Tobacco" and the manager at the desk will ring them up and hand over the cigarettes. Instead, I turned (as I usually do when the customer is already online when he/she wants smokes) and yelled to the manager to bring me a pack of Newports and while I waited for Alex the manager at the time to find her way down to register 5, I listened to what these odd characters had to say. Finally, Alex made it down to me, handed over the box which I then handed to the guy in red and rung him up for about 7 bucks and some change. He paid with debt, took the smokes, and walked out the door with the gaggle of lackeys following close behind and it was not until that moment when I turned around to make a Guido joke did I notice the slight excitement in every ones eyes. "Do you think that was really him?" Someone asked. Another saying "Why do you think he was up here?" Somewhat disappointed that my window for a joke was gone I asked who they were talking about and customer and employee alike said "You just rang up the Situation." I then did what any suburban high school kid who just met a reality TV star would do and texted anyone and everyone I know who would give a damn but something stuck with me from the experience. No, it wasn't that I touched the Situation's hand, it was the the subject of the conversation he had with his little posse.
They were talking about books, library books at that and were arguing about how long you can keep books out from the library. THE SITUATION READS my twitter update later read and a newly established hope for humanity was kindled with in me.
Prior to this, I noticed that maybe 8 out of every 23 kids in my high school would actually admit to reading the books assigned to us and a smaller 3 out of the same sized class would admit to reading for fun. I myself have been reading the New York Times (at least the A section and the magazine) every weekend morning since the 6th grade and usually go through one book a month (currently a biography of Jacques Cousteau.) Many including myself have deem reading as a dieing art and on many occasions I have suggested to my English teachers to have movies (good movies and not necessarily the film version of what is being read in class) taught side by side with books in order to increase class interest. The fact that this overly tan, muscle bound, bar fight scarred Italian guy from somewhere around here goes to the library made me think that maybe books could make a comeback. After all if you don't like what you are reading, you can always burn it (you cant do that with a Kindle.)
-COBRA COMMANDER
Monday, March 22, 2010
Sir Timothy Berner-Lee must hate himself for this
For those of you who don't know, he is the guy who is credited for inventing the internet and yes, I had to look up his name because "Sir Tim" does not due the internet man justice. What is it that the most under credited man that I can think of hates himself for? Well, assuming that he is active the internet and on Facebook, it would be this, the list of some of the 18 most annoying people on Facebook. Take a moment now and scroll through the slide show while looking at the Livefeed on your account, you will see that these archetypes fit pretty easily, some even for yourself (I secretly wish I could pull off #3.) The moral of this story being that as those of us who started with MySpace in the 7th grade mature to Facebook and beyond in life, we have realized that without the internet, a lot of the annoying things that people do would have gone unnoticed unless we spent serious time with that person (which I doubt that most of you could do with the 200+ people you have accepted the friend request from.)
-COBRA COMMANDER
-COBRA COMMANDER
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
March 9, 2010, Lindsey Lohan's lawyers announce that she will be suing E*Trade over the "Milkahalic" Super Bowl commercial. As a result, our economy plunges even deeper into the toilet, Iran launches missiles at Israel prompting the beginning of what may become WWIII and families are fleeing the suburbs in fear of nuclear annihilation. Actually, none of this happens because nobody cares, Lindsey Lohan isn't important, that ad was funny for about three days and I can’t even come up with a third thing because this is such a stupid (yes, stupid) case. I feel bad for the entire courtroom staff who has to take part on this case and for those who are stuck defending E*Trade. According to Tim Nudd of Adweek.com "This is awesome. The New York Post reports that Lindsay Lohan is suing E*Trade for $100 million, claiming that the boyfriend-stealing "milkaholic" named Lindsay in the company's Super Bowl commercial above from Grey Advertising was clearly modeled after her." Representatives at Grey Advertising, responsible for this ad, claim that their copy writers only chose a popular girl's baby name and the rest was only inferred by Lohan. This sounds oddly similar to a high school cafeteria incident where someone mentions the word "fat" or something else derogatory and the chubby girl at the next table turns around and snaps "I am not fat" without hearing the rest of the sentence which was about the fat content of potato chips. Come on guys, be adults and keep your lawyers back in their pens.
- COBRA COMMANDER
- COBRA COMMANDER
Response to Mr. French
As someone who may spend the rest of his life coming up with shiny new ways to catch peoples attention, Alex French's (GQ.com) review of Sexually, I'm More of a Switzerland by David Rose has proved to be an unorthodox source of inspiration when trying to come up with ideas. The book is a compilation of various personal ads from British newspapers from over the years and an infinite source of different ways to sell a product (being the person itself.) Mr. French's Q&A was cute but to be honest, I barely understood what I read, I was far too excited about the book. As I type this I am ordering the book online and while I'm at it, your picture was a bit out of focus Mr. French.
- COBRA COMMANDER
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